Interesting. An open relationship for me would be dating. Don’t see having a long term relationship with dating - sounds like too much work! One or the other for me.
😳 I wanna read Drew’s version!
omg RIGHT. I feel like these two really need to read The Ethical Slut and understand compersion. So many bad moves could be remedied by learning what a healthy, ethically non-monogomous partnership can look like, and how.
Lol. I knew you’d read this and I knew you’d love it. I actually thought that the couple seemed pretty solid/healthy overall.
What’s compersion? Is The Ethical Slut really that good? A friend of mine lent it to me recently. I skimmed a bit and then promptly lent it to one of my lovers who was struggling through some jealousy issues. ENM is tough. But, at this point, monogamy sounds 100x tougher to me.
The super reduced version is compersion is like the opposite or mirror image of jealousy (but that's an oversimplification). It's being excited for your partners joy.
I think it is that good for triggering thoughtful insights and conversations about living in an ENM relationship. A lot can be very "duh" if you've spent any time in poly or open relationships, but there is lots of little gems sprinkled throughout for how to handle situations and even just look at something in a new way. I totally think it's worth a read for anyone doing ENM shit, especially for someone like your lover with jealousy issues tho!
I agree they did seem to be doing pretty ok, but messaging someone while they're on their own date to tell them how uncomfortable you are is bad form to me. It's ok to feel those feels, but there' a point where you're using your discomfort to undermine your partner's good time (when she obvi was able to hold space for him when it was his turn).
Sometimes you're uncomfortable, how you handle it is how you get that gold star lol. Not bad necessarily, but room for improvement you know.
what a ride.