Moderation isn't something I ascribe to, and when attempted quickly turns into a math equation to ensure moderation is established within tolerance levels. /rolls eyes I've enjoyed, used, abused, leaned on, floated thru, and given up marijuana in a bouncing rhythm for almost a decade...long enough to get crotchety/GOML about how concentrated the THC is in bud these days and get a special thrill when I run across a White Buffalo bud, fresh and sweet. Pouring more of myself into the good things - this works. I can get out with friends, make sure all of my chores are done, that I'm investing in myself and learning, and I’m focused and work likes me more...but I don’t. Marijuana represents and enforces freedom from connection or obligation, a transformation into a mote of light, floating thru desires, and letting me see what is really important to me. It forces me to really think thru what I want, and if I’m convinced, it is effortless to accomplish regardless of my levels of sobriety. Painting happens when called, reading when I feel like it, letters to friends, heartfelt messages, phone conversations, experimental cooking (which has resulted in a number of favorite recipes) and walks outside. I am not a worse person when I’m high. I am also not who anyone else wants me to be.

Many folks joined Google because of the 20-year reputation of being about the employees, the products, the users, and joining in the last 5 years must be quite the dramatic let down. Google's mission to organize the worlds information and make it accessible to everyone, well that isn't there either. Don't be evil - tricky. The amount of complexity that's come from triple-digit thousands of employees, doubled over with temps puts "Don't be evil" at the bottom of an endless list of "what the heck is going on, and what do I do here anyway". So where else do folks go? The price of quality culture is high.

Strong personal essay that speaks to sadness, unresolved, and to little moments which make up life.